Pearl to the Rescue!!!

Hey, y'all:


Pearl, honey.....yer a life saver! I have TRIED tuh tell my mom time an' time AGAIN that I'm a landlubber, but she insists on puttin' me in this gosh dang POOL fer whut she calls "hydrotherapy". Whutever.

Anyhoo, I told 'er there was no time fer swimmin' tuhday 'cause summer school is in session an' Pearl has a quiz fer us! So, bein' one o' them eggheads who thinks education is important (plus she was tired o' me clawin' 'er), we hopped outta the pool, grabbed our #2 pencils, an' got tuh work!



THE BASICS

1.) Name and Age: Hanklin Delano Roosevelt Rutherford Strain. I'll be eleven on July 23.

Molly O'Mally. She'll be thirteen on August 12. (The old BAT!)



2.) Breed: We're full-blooded pugs....'cept I think O'Mally might be part sloth. She kinda looks like one!



3.) Nickname(s): (Oh, gawd. Do ya have all day?!?!) Me: Hank D., Hanky Panky Puddin' an' Pie, Bubby, Baby Boy, Pal, Mommy's Fat Little Hillbilly. (Dad calls me Turd Muffin, Turd Monster, Tons o' Fun an' Thunder Butt. Harrumph!)

Molly: O'Mally, Moll Boll, Moll Boll Lynn, Sissy, Little Girl, Baby Girl, Mommy's Bug-eyed Little Freak. (Dad calls her Molly Moo.)



4.) Where'd ya come from? I was born an' bred in Fort Wayne, Indiana - lived there fer the first seven years o' my life. Then I lived with some real nice folks in Portage, IN (KPR foster home) 'til my mom adopted me.

Molly: She was born in Missouri then she wound up in Marion, Indiana somehow. She came tuh us through KPR, too. (Mom was SUPPOSED tuh just foster her but wound up keepin' the old bird!)



FAVORITES

1.) Toy: Me an' O'Mally don't do toys. If it ain't edible, we don't care! ('Cept I DO like tuh suckle on my binky (rawhide) at night.)



2.) Snack: Now we'll both eat just about anything ya put in front o' us, but I perty much go ape sh*t over bananas!



3.) Human person: Oh, that's easy. Mom - hands DOWN. But at least I'M not a clingy crybaby like O'Mally. She follows mom EVERYWHERE. Mom can't even take a dump without O'Mally right there, pacin' an' yappin' at 'er tuh hurry it up.


FUNNY STUFF

1.) Worst habit: Uh....I'm not sure how tuh say this politely but I, um, er, like tuh lick a certain part o' O'Mally. Now I don't see whut the big deal is (she's my STEP sister) but mom sure hollers when she catches me doin' it!

Molly: Oh, gawd. That bird licks EVERYONE she can git 'er tongue on!!! Mom, dad, me, company.....she don't discriminate.



2.) Most embarrassing moment: Hey, y'all will like this one! Just after my folks got me, we had some people come over tuh see if they was gonna hire my dad tuh shoot their daughter's weddin' pitchers. They was all out in the livin' room talkin' an' stuff an' I went out an' sat down right next tuh the bride's dad. This fella was spanish er somethin' an' barely spoke English but boy howdy you could tell by the look on his face that I'd let one RIP!!! Tee hee! I just about cleared the room!Funny thing, dad never heard back from 'em. Huh.

Oh, an' then there was the time we was at a KPR event. Me an' mom had JUST walked in the door when I seen this little kid with a cupcake. Well, I got so dang worked up that wound up de-pantin' the kid just tuh git that cupcake!!! (Thank Gawd his mom just laughed!)

Molly doesn't really do nothin' you'd consider embarrassin'. She's just loud as a fog horn.



3.) Family dynamic (this is a question for those of you with more than one animal in the house. i.e. who is alpha? who is the cuddler? who is the naughty one? etc. I just want to know how you fit into the family!)

Now it goes without sayin' that I am the alpha. Yep...leader o' the pack. O'Mally's perty beta. Now if she'd just pipe down!!!



4.) Your humans' FAVORITE thing about you!: Now I'm not one tuh brag (much) so I'm gonna let mom take over.......

My favorite thing about Hank is that he can win ANYONE over. In our time together, we have encountered several idiots (oops, I mean "people") who claim they don't like dogs or - more specifically - PUGS, and every single one has come away with a different attitude and a smile on their face. He is indisputably everything the breed should be.

My favorite thing about Molly is that she is a spirited survivor who let's nothing stand in the way of her zest for life. Yep, she's deaf. Yep, she can't hold her bladder overnight. Yep, her hips are weak. But guess who's the first one up in the morning, shouting to the universe "BRING IT ON!!!"?



Okay, well I guess that's the end o' this quiz. Pearl, honey....thanks fer gettin' me outta the pool! Sure ya don't need me tuh come out tuh Okie Homie fer an' extended stay? Like, 'til swimmin' season is over????



Yep. Mmmhmm.

HAIL, I got MAIL!!!

Hey, y'all:


Looky whut I got!!!



Yep, it's fer me!




Dang packin' peanuts! (If only they was REAL peanuts!)




HOT DANG! My NEW collar finally got here!!!




Check me out!!!




An' they even sent me this nifty bottle opener! WINGO!!!




Now I gotta give a big shout out tuh Arlo's mom fer sendin' me the Pabst online store link! Thanks, honey!


Am I stylin' er WHUT?!?!





Yep. Mmhmm.

Pug an' Circumstance

Hey, y'all:


Me an' Molly wanna give a BIG shout out tuh our cousin, Lily, fer graduatin' from high school this weekend!!!









She's gonna head up tuh some fancy college called Ball State an' study theatre an' history. Now that's all well an' good but she better find some nice fella she can cook an' clean fer. I mean....isn't that whut you gals REALLY want tuh do?


(Molly slaps Hank upside the head.)


OUCH!!!


Oh, an' a shout out tuh Sal's sis, Lizz, on her graduation, too!



Yep, Mmmhmmm.

Guess who's comin' tuh dinner?

ME!!! Oh, yeah......an' the folks an' O'Mally.




Uncle Kev an' Aunt Laura an' Sal had us up fer dinner last weekend! We had a real good time, an' that gal can COOK I tell ya what! I do believe she could take roadkill, toss it on the grill, an' no one would be the wiser!


(Uh......that WASN'T roadkill ya fed my folks, was it?)




Anyhoo, she rustled up some chicken liver muffins fer us pugs! Come on, woman! I'm starvin' tuh death an' my blood sugar's gittin' low!!!











Mmmmmm........chicken liver.











Mom made sure Sal knew them muffins weren't just fer company!











Speakin' o' Sal, him an' my dad did a little pre-dinner bondin'.











Now lemme tell ya 'bout the human eats.....New York strip steak with some kinda fancy finishin' butter, twice baked potatoes, grilled asparagus.........mmmmmm! Oh, yeah....an' some kinda fancy appetizer. I think it's called brew-shed-uh. (Huh. Wonder if it's some kinda brew she whipped up in the shed?) THEN there was her famous "Are ya freakin' kiddin' me" chocolate cake!









I din't git none but that thing looks better than ANY MoonPie! An' I KNOW MoonPie.


So after dinner we headed tuh the livin' room fer a little tv an' socializin'. Uncle Kev was nice enough tuh let me have the man chair!










Yeah, I know......it ain't PBR, but I din't want tuh be rude an' turn down his sissy beer.










Even Sal's pal, Nipsy, came out tuh say hi!











Here's Sal sayin' "Cripes, people! Look at the time!!! It's been fun and all but I need my beauty sleep!!!".










O'Mally had tuh give me the hint that we might o' overstayed our welcome!








The humans was still laughin' an' bumpin' their gums so Sal had tuh pull out the big guns.........


"Strain family! Get in your farkakte car and GO HOME or I'll drive you there myself!!!!"






"Sorry, Sally.....I tried! (You know I'm the only one in this family with ANY manners!"

Pass me a aspirin.....an' a piece o' cake!

Hey, y'all:

Take it from me.......ya only gotta floss the ones ya wanna keep.

Last Friday I went an' seen Dr. Mills fer whut I THOUGHT was gonna be a little gloss n' floss. Well, I am embarrassed tuh say that I had NINE teeth pulled! The ol' boy said I got somethin' called paireeohdontuhl duhsease. Now I'm not exactly sure whut that is but maybe it's 'cause I don't own a toothbrush. I dunno.

Anyhoo, I did enjoy meetin' the ol' boy - perty nice fella. No wonder O'Mally always yaps about how great he is. Here's me an' him before I got the bad news.

So a hour an' a half later, I'm nine teeth lighter an' at LEAST three sheets to the wind I tell ya what! Boy howdy I was hepped up on goofballs like nobuddy's business!



Hey, bud! Can't ya warm up that stethuhscope?!?! Whut's that ya say? My ticker's runnin' a little slow? Aw, hail, that's no big deal......shoot, I once drank so much PBR my dad had tuh hook the jumper cables up to me!





Uh........a shot??? Sure! I'll take a shot o' tequila.....oh, an' don't fergit the lime an' salt. Boy howdy this is MY kinda doctor's office!!!



Awwwwwwwwwwwww...........HAAAAAAIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Now THAT is dirty pool, mister!!! Dirty pool. (An' ya gotta git a GIRL tuh do yer dirty work!)



Miss Ronda.....I don't feel so good. Will ya snuggle me fer awhile?




Well, anyways.....I survived, an' not a minute too soon 'cause the next day was Apollo's twenty-first birthday!


I am proud as a peacock tuh say I bought him his first beer!



(Jami, honey.....kinda looks like you'd already been hittin' the sauce! Tee hee!)


Mom said we had tuh git a nice family pitcher buhfore ever'body (ME) started gittin' drunk.




Here's Sal clingin' to his grammaw. Come on, bud....loosen up! It's a party!




Check this out! Apollo was so buzzed he thought he'd pass out in my bass boat! HAHAHA! Whatta light weight!




The party really heated up when Maggie started wrastlin' Apollo an' screechin' "Who's yer mama?!?! Who's yer mama?!?!".




O'Mally needed a break from all the fun (you know old people), so she decided tuh take a stroll by the pond.




Meanwhile, me an' Harles J. kept the ladies entertained......




Oh, gawd.....O'Mally's yappin' at me tuh put in another pitcher o' HER.




'Fore we knew it, we closed the place an' it was time tuh go. My little pal Yoda was over it fer sure!





Now I want it to be known that I din't drink TOO much 'cause I know the dangers o' mixing goofballs an' alcohol.

Sos with that disclaimer (an' my goofballs) outta the way, I am headin' to the fridge fer a cold one.



Yep. Mmmhmmm.

Struttin' - er, Strollin' - With The Mutts

Hey, y'all:


Well, we fired up the baby buggy last Sunday an' hit the bricks at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway!


Now, I gotta confess somethin'. After all that pissin' an' moanin' I did, turns out ridin' in the baby buggy wasn't TOO bad. Mom got soaked but me an' O'Mally stayed dry (fer the most part. Dang mesh winduhs!).

Okay, O'Mally, like the bumper sticker says......sit down, shut up, an' HANG ON!!!

Here's us an' Holden (Sal's brother) comin' up on the first turn.

Hold up, bud.....I gotta make a pit stop. My breakfast burrito is fixin' tuh say "ADIOS!".

LITTLE PRIVACY, PLEASE!!!

(Mom's note: Hank exits the port-o-pot twenty minutes later, complains about the lack of reading material, and shouts to passersby "Y'ALL MIGHT NOT WANNA GO IN THERE FER A WHILE!!!")













Hey, y'all check this out! Holden's gonna knock over the can while I keep an eye out fer security! Tee hee!





























Okay, enough o' that tomfoolery.......time tuh do some serious struttin' with Sal, Uncle Kev and Aunt Laura. Uh, just in case yer wonderin', Sal's the one in the yellow slicker.























Holden was nice enough tuh hang back with O'Mally an' listen to her yap about her health an' all the medicines she takes an' her favorite show, Matlock, an' senior citizen discounts an' her luv fer cafeteria food.




























Finally, we made the whole two and a half miles! WINGO!!!



























I'm thinkin' I just might do this again next year. Better start carb loadin' now.


Yep. Mmhmm.

I Wanna Ass You Somethin'..........

Whut in the heck would my folks do without me?


It's spring, an' like all y'all we got all kinds o' projects goin' on around the house. Helpin' dad restore his '64 Fairlane, sandin' an' paintin' the pool deck....heck, we're even gittin' a new roof! Now I don't mean tuh brag but I don't know HOW my folks ever got along before ME. Lemme take ya on a little pitcher tour.....


Here's me an' our neighbor, Shawn, an' dad workin' on the Fairlane. Hail, them ol' boys don't know the front end from the back end!




Then we got started on the pool deck. Aw, hail, I gotta git up there an' show him how it's done!




Beat it, O'Mally. This here's MAN'S work!




Alright, dad.....fire this sucker up an' I'll show ya how it's done.




My cuzzins, Robin an' Lily, an a couple o' their guy friends helped paint the pool deck. Kids....I tell ya what. Ya gotta watch 'em like a HAWK!




Next came the roofers. Now these ol' boys did a perty good job an' didn't need much supervision. Yep, they're a lot like me......




Hey, bud.....is that whipped cream?




Yep, these are MY kind o' guys!




Dang, that was a lot o' work. I'm exhausted!



So.....oncet again I ass you. Whut in the heck would my folks do without me???





Yep. Mmhmm.