Sunday, February 28, 2010

You can't HANDLE the Tooth!

Hey, y'all:

Well, Molly O'Mally FINALLY went tuh the dentist last Friday. An' not a minute too soon I tell ya what! That ol' gal's breath could kill a MOOSE!

Now I'm warnin' ya: whut yer about tuh see ain't fer the faint o' heart. Take a deap breath an' look at this sucker:

Mom says that dark spot ya see on the crown is a cavity, an' that black gunk on the root is "calculus". Now I thought calculus wuz MATH but mom said THIS kind o' calculus is whut builds up yer teeth. Then she said the layman term fer it is "tartar". Whut the heck? I thought tartar wuz some kind o' sauce ya put on a fish sammich. (I just don't git this dental stuff.)

Anyhoo.....O'Mally did just fine. Here she is with her vet, Dr. Mills. This ol' boy has done wonders fer her peepee pipe workin', pulled that rotten tooth. Now if he could just git her tuh SHUT UP!

This here is O'Mally's favorite vet tech, Ronda. Fer some reason, she thinks O'Mally is the bee's knees. Mom calls 'em "Mo an' Ro".

Well, MY turn is comin' up next so I been practicin' liftin' my head an openin' wide.

Think they'll gimme a beef lollipop if I do good?

Yep. Mmhmm.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Oh, Gawd........

Y'all are prolly wonderin' why I'm sittin' here with my ears covered up. Well, YOU would TOO if ya had tuh listen to my mom sing one o' her stoopid songs tuh Molly!!!

(Sung to the tune o' "Baby Face" - with apologies tuh Benny Davis/Harry Akst)...............

You are the cutest little O-Mal-LEEE!
Nobody else could ever smell like pee,
like O-Mal-LEEE!
My poor heart is jumpin',
you sure have farted somethin'!
I'm up in heaven 'cause you are my bestest GAL!
I didn't need a shove 'cause I just fell in love
with my pretty little O-MAL-LEEE!!!

(Hank rubbing his head with both front paws) Oh, Gawd.........WHY can't the liquor store be open on Sunday?!?!

Yep. Mmhmm.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Life is NOT a Cabaret!

Hi, everybody. (Big sigh)

Molly O'Mally here. (Even BIGGER sigh)

This year is NOT off to a good start. My big sister went to the Rainbow Bridge, the American Poetry Journal rejected my poem, and I'm up to my eyeballs in SNOW!

(As you can see, mommy and Hank aren't the least bit interested in listening to my tale of woe!)

I thought things were looking up when I received a lovely valentine from Salinger. He looked so dashing in his tie, and I just KNEW that single red rose was for ME! Then reality came crashing down upon me when Hank took me aside and said "Uh....I hate tuh tell ya this but Sal plays fer the home team!".

Sure, I'm a bit (okay, a LOT) older than Salinger but in my short-lived happiness I pictured us much like THIS match made in heaven......

I mean, wouldn't YOU agree???

Oh, well. Maybe I should give Pugsley a jingle and see if HE has any plans for Valentine's Day.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Well, she's good fer SOMETHIN'

Hey, y'all:

Well, the APJ turned down O'Mally's poem. Here's the letter they sent......

Dear Ms. O'Mally:

We would like to thank you for your recent submission to American Poetry Journal. Unfortunately, we are unable to add your poem to our site for one or more of the following reasons.

1. Your submission was deemed as possibly offensive to one or more groups.

2. Your submission was slanderous in nature to a person or group.

We wish you the best in your future writing endeavors.


American Poetry Journal

What the hail???? I guess they was afraid me an' the cootie would sue 'em!!! (Prolly got some damn lawyer in on the act.)

Anyhoo, I feel kinda bad fer the old gal so I want y'all tuh know that she does have SOME worth (as evidenced by this vidyuh Aunt Laura took).

Heck, I can hear better already!!!

Yep. Mmhmm.